Dear Henry
by TogetherSomewhere
Summary: Regina has written letters to Henry his whole life while he grew up, In this story you will see him grow up through Regina's eyes and what she writes down in her letters to Henry.
1. Prologue

_**Hello, this will be a new story that will slowly be updated with about 3000-4000 words per chapter. This is the Prologue for the story, explaining the beginning. This is somthing that has been on my mind for ages and I just can't ignore it. I have decided that I will be updating The Thorns of Secrets in about a week, and Caving In will take longer since I promised a long chapter. this tory will be updated rather unregularly, but this is the one I will b working in the hardest I can, because this story does THINGS to my feels.**_

 _ **Dear Henry is about how Regina has written letters to Henry frm the day that he wasadopted to the day she died. In this story Henry is almost Eighteen and finds himself in Regina's house to sort through all her things when he stumbles upon the stacks and stacks of letters for him. This way he relives every one of his memorable moments through his Mother's eyes.**_

 _ **I hope you will like this story as much as I do myself and my friends who are proof reading it for me. Enjoy!**_

 _ **x R.**_

 _ **Dear Henry.**_

 _Prologue_

It was the first week after her death. He couldn't even believe that she was actually gone now. Gone and never coming back. Tears were already welling up in his eyes as he unlocked the door of the enormous mansion.

God it looked haunted without his brunette mother waltzing around here. Saying he should hang his coat away and take off his shoes, because otherwise she would have to clean all the mud and dirt away they left behind.

The house was so quiet. Too quiet for him. And also there were no aromas wafting through the air with one if the new creations she thought of making to calm whatever nerves had made their way on the surface.

He had come to the mansion to clean his mom's stuff away and keep whatever he wanted to keep before throwing the rest away or giving it away to other people.

For some reason the study was calling to him, somewhere where he never actually was allowed to come. It was her private place. A place where she could relax and calm down after whoever had set her temper off this time. Of course he had been there before, he was a curious little kid, it was obvious that he would explore every little nook and cranny in the house when his mother was away.

He walked into the study and the scent there overwhelmed him. It smelled so much like _her._ The Apple scent mixed with vanilla and even a hint of lavender. The smell surrounded him and made fresh tear tracks appear on his cheeks.

She was only gone for one week and still the loss of her was already eating at him. Especially that she died all alone. with nobody there for her, but him being at home in the weekends. He already felt like there was now a hole in his heart. Something that couldn't be filled. Not even by his birth mother Emma, the mother he thought would fix everything years ago. That would show him that his adoptive mother never loved him, something he was so very wrong about and after he realised that always tried to fix.

And now, three weeks before he turns eighteen, here he is. In the house of a mother that loved him more than life itself. A mother that would do anything, and everything for him. God, he was so incredibly lucky to have been loved in such a strong and deep way. He was such an idiot to think that she hadn't loved him. He was such a brat to have screamed at her that she was evil, that she didn't love him and that he hated her. He still doesn't understand how he could have been so foolish. How he wasn't able to see the love shining in her beautiful brown eyes every time she looked at him, the hurt that shone in them every time she had to say goodbye to him, or when he did something hurtful to her. But still every time he came back to her, she forgave him and welcomed him with open arms and a soft kiss to his forehead. That would never happen again.

Because seven days ago Regina Mills died.

He sat down behind the desk and looked through the drawers, when he found one filled with letters. His eyes widened when he saw that every letter was addressed to him. Written in the beautiful cursive writing he recognized to be his late mother's. the whole drawer was filled to the brink with letters to him, something that made his eyes water again. He looked at the letters and saw there werestacks of them, and they were all numbered, and so he took the one with number one on it and with trembling hands, he opened it.


	2. The First Letter

_**So my beloved readers, here is the first chapter of many to come. I have the feeling this will be an immensly long fanfic, well long for me I suppose... I hope you will love this story as much as my Boo does, she always reads and supports my stories like nobody else does, and I couldn't be more grateful!**_

 _ **just to make it easier for you readers; The Italics are the letter, the Bold Italics are the thoughts of Henry while reading, and the normal bold writing is Henry while reading the letter.**_

 _ **there will be flashbacks in this story with Regina's POV, but other than that, this story will be brought to you from Henry's eyes.**_

 _ **Caving In will be updated shortly, dont you all worry. And I am doubting if I should continue the Throns of Secrets, but I will see if I will.**_

 _ **the updates of this fic will be sporadic, but I will do my bst to at least update once every few weeks.**_

 _ **Now without further ado, Happy Reading!**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 1**_

 _Dear Henry,_

 _From today, I will be your mother until the day I die, and even when I am gone, I'll always be your mother. I already love you, even if I don't know how to love that well. I adopted you because I feel, or now felt, so incredibly empty. Like there was a hole in my heart, that you and your little chubby cheeks are already filling._

 _ **She really did love me. from the first day she laid eyes on me it seems**_ **, Henry thought as he read the start of the letter. While he read it the tears wouldn't stop flowing down his cheeks. This letter was already so personal, and telling him so many feelings and secrets the brunette mother normally wouldn't show in fear of seeming weak, and yet here she was already pouring her heart out to him.**

 _I will be writing you these letters to capture all the moments, and memories and never let them fade away into nothingness. To always be able to remember the precious time I will have with you, my son. My family, our little, but perfect family._

 _ **Our Family really was perfect,**_ **Henry muttered to himself. even if it was just the two of them, it was perfect. if you ignore the few years he had built a hatred for his mother, the years he now regretted the most, for it had prevented him having more years filled with her love for him.**

 _I know, there will be hardships, there will be tears and there will be fights. But I do hope you will grow up knowing, that I will always love you. And that you can always come back to me. Because no matter what you do, no matter how bad, that you know that I will always forgive you._

 _ **God how I know you will forgive. You forgave every little thing I did wrong. you loved me unconditionally and I couldn't have been luckier to have you as mother,**_ **He thinks and an actual sob makes it out of his mouth. he didn't realise reading these letters would be so… he couldn't even describe the feeling ,except say it was overwhelming at the least.**

 _Someone told me years ago that love wasn't real. That it is a weakness you shouldn't indulge in. That it would fade. Or at least it was what that person believed, and thus pushed that believe on to me as well._

 _ **That would probably be Cora,**_ **Henry suspected. He had heard of his mother's heartless mother that had been the cause of many nightmares, where Regina would wander around the house. SHe thought he had never known about it, but he knew. He knew and felt so terrible for not being able to help.**

 _But that someone came back to me after years of saying it, that it was a mistake. That love is something so precious, that you should hold onto it. I didn't believe it then, and condemned myself to a fate, no woman should have to live through. She told me that a child could save me, but I didn't listen. I didn't believe it and made sure I could never experience it. I made sure I could never have children made of my own flesh and blood._

 _ **Wait what? WHat had she done to herself that was so bad? was she not able to have her own children anymore?**_ **Henry thought shocked. No, his mother wouldn't do something as impulsive as that, right? His mother loved children. She had a soft spot for them. How could she have robbed herself of a chance of getting a child from her own womb?**

 _But now I see how incredibly wrong I was. because even after having you, my little prince, for one day, I already feel more whole. I can already feel my dark and battered heart beating again._

 _ **How could I have ever doubted she loved me?**_ **He mused as he kept on reading. Of course seven years ago, he was completely oblivious of what his mother had been through, and he still probably only knew about 10% of her whole story, but after what she had been through, he was surprised she was even able to love.**

 _I will give you all of these letters on your eighteenth birthday, so that you start your adulthood with remembering how you whole childhood has been. I hope to be able to hand you them myself, but if not, I am sure you will eventually venture into the forbidden fortress that is my study and find them._

 **God she was going to give him these letters in three weeks from now. She was actually going to hand these letters to him. And now she died before she was ever able to do so. he couldn't help the soft chuckle, that was now mixed with a sob, from making it out of his throat when she called her study the forbidden fortress. She had always called it that when he grew up. always warned him not to venture there, and he didn't. because she really seemed to be very serious about it, and even with his curiosity, he never went in until today.**

 _Even after only a day I can see how you're a curious little boy, and it delights me to see so._ _Because it makes me wonder how wonderful raising you is going to be like. To help you through your problems and help you discover and investigate everything._

 _ **She did always help me with everything.**_ **Henry thought with a soft smile gracing his lips now. She had even gone as far as study his school books in the evenings and nights when he was asleep just to be able to explain everything to him. The brunette mother had though he hadn't seen it, but he had, and it made his heart melt now he thought back to it.**

 _To sooth your upcoming fevers and kiss away the pain. To see how you will grow into a young man, although that will probably hurt, will be the best thing I have seen and done in my I know that all after just one day with you._

 _ **Oh, mom. You did so great with me. You really, really did.**_ **He whispered softly and let a tears glide down his cheek again. It hurt him how much doubt his perfect mother actually had. He knew she had had doubts, and that she wasn't sure she was a good mother, but he hadn't known the scale of it.**

 _I promise you, I will try my hardest to deserve such a pure soul as you. To raise someone still untainted by darkness, still untouched by the pull of power and how that pull drives you near to madness. But that will be a story for later, not on a happy day like this._

 **He felt pain for his mother enter his heart again. She had suffered so much and still put him above all her other needs, fear and worries. She did deserve him. He wasn't so sure if he had deserved such a great mother as her, but god, was he glad he had such an amazing mother.**

 _Also, I would love to explain your name, because I am not sure if I will ever have the courage to tell to you in person. You are named Henry because my dear father was called that. He was one of the sweetest men you will ever meet, even if he had no backbone and obeyed my mother's every whim, he was kind. He loved me more than anything else, I was his little princess just like you are my little prince._

 _ **Little Prince.**_ **He could still hear her voice calling out to him, calling him her Little Prince, even if he was sixteen years old and a head longer than she was. She still called him her little prince, because in her eyes he would always stay little, or that was what she always said when he protested against the petname.**

 _And he showed me how to be kind, and how to love. Along the way I have lost that, the knowledge of how to love, but with you I intend to find it again. You, just like my father, will teach me how to love._

 _ **And you taught me so much as well. God I miss you so much.**_ **He sobbed again, for a moment the whole letter becoming too overwhelming. Reading all this about his oh,so private mother was just too much. Especially now that she is dead.**

 _Sadly you will never be able to meet my father, for I killed him. I am saying this because I am sure that at this age you are very aware of my past and what I have done to come here, but only one other knows I killed my own father to come here. I killed him, because at that time, I didn't see another way._

 **He felt his heart clench. Did she really have no other way out, then to kill her father? She loved him very much from what was in this letter,so it must have been with the greatest pain in her heart, right?**

 _At that time that was the only thing I saw was my way out of the damned Enchanted Forest, and a way to happiness, so I did it. For the greater good of my happiness, I killed the one and only person that still loved me. I still don't see how I got desperate enough to do it, but I was. Desperate, so incredibly desperate._

 _ **Oh, mom. why did you have to go through so much misery.**_ **he said with a trembling voice and shook his head as he read those few sentences over and over again.**

 _With killing my father the curse started, and now here we are, 18 years of not aging and being lonely, I get a sweet little boy to raise._

 _ **And I get to have a wonderful mother.**_

 _I will do my very best to be worthy and raise you like I would have wished to be raised._

 _Henry, my little prince, I love you._

 _Love, Your Mother Regina._

He let out a shuddering sigh as he folded the letter ,that was now covered in droplets of his tears, closed. he looked at all the stacks of letters that were still in front of him on the desk, where he had placed them before reading this letter.

he looked at them and couldn't quite determine how many letter there are. it would take ages to read through them all, seeing as it had taken him almost thirty minutes just to read through this current letter.

so he decided to gather them and put them in his schoolbag, that he had taken with him to the mansion, and make his leave for now. The emotions getting too overwhelming for him. His mother had been such a vital part of his life, and to not have her around anymore was just too much for him to come to terms with. He would just return to his and Emma's house right now, and probably come back tomorrow to sort through more of her stuff.

But reading this letter, and seeing the study, makes him realise he doesn't want to get rid of anything. The house is still just as perfect as his mother left it, apart from a small layer of dust, and he just couldn't get it over his heart to throw anything of his late mother away.

because that would really make it even more clear that she was gone and never coming back. that Regina Mills really passed away a week ago.

 _ **Flashback to the day of adoption**_

Regina let out a soft sigh as she brushed a hand through her hair that was still sticky because of what Henry had managed to throw up. Before she could shower and get it out of her hair however, she had to get the little babe to sleep. That was proving to be a more difficult task than she had thought.

after fifteen minutes of bouncing him slightly while walking around the living room, her little prince's breathing evened out and she sat down on the couch. Just then she noticed how he had rested his head so it was right above her beating heart. A soft smile made its way onto her lips, one that hasn't been there in far too many years, decades even. But her new little prince managed it in less than a day to make her smile like that again.

She had no idea how to do this parent thing, how to be a loving parent. She wasn't good with love. Everyone she loved just disappeared from her life, either at her hands or at the hands of another… her father, her mother, Daniel… they all died because of her, that was a certainty. She was sure though, even after only less than a day of being with her little prince, she would protect her son with all that she was. Which included laying down her life if that was required of her. She had no idea why, but he made her fall in love with him the minute his hazel eyes met her chocolate brown ones.

Now she was softly humming a melody in hope he would stay asleep instead of crying his lungs out like he did the rest of the day. she felt so hopeless when he did. she tried everything, feeding him, changing him… or well she did everything she could think of.

maybe getting a child would have been a mistake, because she knew nothing about parenting. she had no real example for it. She didn't want to become her mother, or her father. Yes, she had loved her father more than anything, but that didn't mean he still wasn't a coward for not trying to stand up to Cora and to help out his daughter. She wanted to be the parent this little sweet boy deserved. She wanted to be enough for him, so that he never would have to ask for anymore. It was a farfetched dream, but still she had hopes of it becoming the truth. That she could really be a good parent, a loving parent.

Yes there were things she would have to lie about, and this she would have to keep to herself, like the curse, how this town is frozen in time, how she doesn't age and more, but that wouldn't matter too much, right?

Her train of thought went everywhere after that, going from bad to good places and everything in between, when she suddenly came up with the idea to write all of this down. To write all of Henry's life down so that when he becomes an adult, he will hopefully never forget his childhood years, which she hopes will be happy ones.

with that plan in mind she carefully maneuvers herself to get up from the couch, without waking the babe in her arms and putting him down in his cot she has for him in her bedroom, then she walks to her study and gets out a piece of paper and her fountain pen.

After taking a deep breath and ten minutes of staring at the blank paper, thinking about what the hell she should begin with, she uncaps the pen and starts writing.

 _Dear Henry,_

 _From today…_

* * *

 ** _Review fuel my writing and make me giddy ;)_**

 ** _if you have any suggestions for this fic or my others, feel free to leave them in the reviews; and who knows, maybe I will even use some of them. Since this fic isnt fully decided yet on all the events that will be happening ideas would be awesome! Becuase I have to write all kinds of antics Henry did as a child and how Regina reacted to them... that will be fun, hopefully._**

 ** _Thanks for reading this!_**

 ** _R._**


	3. The Thirtieth Letter, Toddler Adventures

_**I'm making a little time jump in the letters here, and OMG sorry for not writing this story for this damned long. I promise you I will try to update it much more frequently from now on! and THank you SO SO SO much for all the kind reviews you have given me in the months that this story has existed, It makes me giddy when I read the reviews. and they fuel my writing as well, so if you want faster updates, it truly helps to review, otherwise I would just feel like no one was reading or enjoying my stories...**_

 **The Thirtieth Letter, the Toddler Adventures.**

 _Dear Henry,_

 _You are now a beautiful little toddler of 3 years old, and you are the light of my life. That is something I am now able to say without doubt. You are the best things that has ever happened to me._

 _ **Probably not seven years later because then I will be calling you names, disobey you around every corner and I will do one of the worst thing of all in my opinion, Deny that you are my mother.**_ **Henry bit his lip while reading the thirtieth letter.**

 _I have written a lot of short letters lately, or sometimes even forget to write to you for a while, but I decided to make the letter of today a bit longer again, since you did a rather hilarious thing, not that you will ever remember it, or that I will ever mention it to anyone (To save you some embarrassment.) But I will tell you in this letter, so that it is safe and sound from other prying eyes._

 _ **It is still weird to think of my mom as someone who actually raised me when I was a messy toddler, probably ruining all kinds of curtains, or tablecloths with my dirty sticky little hands.**_ **Henry softly chuckled to himself, he had heard vague stories about when he was little, and how he was like back then, but never had he heard any solid tales of some of the things he had actually done that caused his mother to stress out or something close to that.**

 _You see, yesterday when I put you in the bathtub you were just very calm and easy, but then when I had to take you out, you told me you were Superman, and Superman doesn't need to be helped by his mother, oh no, he can do it himself. You ended up running around the house naked screaming this was how superheroes dried themselves off after a bath._

 **Henry groaned as his stupidity, but also smiled, because reading this, he could already imagine the smile on his mother's face while she had tried to catch him, calling out to him while laughing so hard tear formed in her eyes.**

 _It really was rather hilarious to witness actually, and as you see, your superhero obsession started out when you were just a little sprout, convinced that you would one day be a superhero, that one day you would save us all. And who knows, maybe you will be the saviour one day._

 _ **Or you are mom, or you.**_ **Henry whispered softly, again tears gathering in his eyes, really these letters turned in into a brawling baby, but he couldn't care less about that. Because these are parts of his mother he has never seen before, tales about his childhood he had either forgotten or just never heard of.**

 _In my eyes, you will always be my superhero, my second chance, my way out of the grips of darkness. Again, at the age you are now, I'm sure you know of my past, whom I was and what deeds I have done, and, well, I hope you will be able to forgive me for them. You know, superheroes are supposed to always do good, and that means forgiving as well… I hope you will be able to do something that I wasn't able to do, and that is forgive someone, even when they have wronged you greatly._

 _ **Oh mom, don't say that. You had one of the biggest hearts, you really did.**_ **Henry sniffled as he willed away the tears that made the letter on the white paper seemed blurred, and unsharp. He wanted to read along, read how his mother explained more and more about herself, and about how he was like when he was small.**

 _You did something else today that made me smile, maybe even beam. Don't tell that to anyone else though, this is just a secret between the two of us, yes?_

 _You see, you told me you loved me today. And not just because I told you I loved you and you responded, no, You said it out of nowhere. You just walked up to me with a toothy grin, crawled on my lap, messily kissed my cheek and you said 'I love you mommy'._

 **Henry chuckled then, which was mixed with a sob when he saw the dried up teardrop on the page next to the words 'I love you' making the word 'mommy' a little blurred and washed out, but he could still read it.**

"Henry? Are you reading those letters again?" Emma called out to him, and Henry suddenly felt a slight resentment against the blonde. He told her he wanted this private time to read all of them, even if Emma found it unhealthy to spend so much time focussing on something that a now dead woman had written…

"I'm reading ma!" He responded and turned the music he had on louder. He wasn't listening to his normal music, no he was listening to the music his mother always had on. Emma hated said musc, but Henry had developed a great love for it, really.

 _you made tears appear in my eyes with those words. four simple words bringing a former queen to her knees, how strange right? I never had predicted those exact four words would make tears roll down my cheeks, but even hours after you have said them, they still make me emotional. You panicked so much when you saw the tears and immediately tried to console me, as the little knight in shining armour you are. My little prince that I couldn't be more proud of._

 **Henry chuckled at that and traced the words 'little prince' with her thumb as fond memories of regina calling him just that resurfaced. How much Regina actually loved him astounded him so greatly, that he still didn't get how he could have ever doubted that.**

 _Your words were so pure that they pierced through my darkened heart. I didn't think I would ever heard the word love, directed at me in a positive manner. I just thought they would only be thrown at me when someone wanted to point out how I could never love again, that I could never be loved again. All the people in my life used to point that out to me, that people would never love me, but now I know they were lying, now I know that they were wrong, because you love me. And that is enough. I don't need anybody else but you loving me._

 _I love you Henry, don't you ever dare to forget that._

 _Love, Your Mother Regina_

Henry reread the last 15 words over and over, just to let the power things settle in into his bones and stay there. The words felt as if Regina were wrapping a warm blanket around him and offering him a cup of hot cocoa, as she kissed his cheek and said a soft I love you to him, like she did during one of the last times he saw his mother.

"God, mom, I'm so, so sorry for ever doubting your love towards me. For ever questioning if you had always lied to me, for telling you you were not my mother but just an evil Queen…" Henry whispered pained and his whole body had a shiver running down his spine when he thought he heard Regina's voice whisper to him that she had forgiven him ages ago for that.

He looked around alarmed and tried to figure out what it was that made him think Regina actually spoke to him just now, but there was nothing He was alone in his room with just the stacks and stacks of letters for him, and just for him.

 **Flashback to Regina during the day when she wrote the Thirtieth Letter**

Regina sighed heavily as she tried to focus on the paperwork in front of her while her headache played up and made it near impossible to focus on anything. The pounding in her head overwhelming her and making her just want to give up on doing anything but lie down in bed and sleep with the room completely darkened.

just when she rested her head on her crossed arms on her desk, she heard the soft pitter patter of tiny little feet that belonged to her toddler son, which made a bright smile suddenly form on her face. Her son could always make her smile, even during one of her worst migraines yet, he managed to pull a smile out of her.

"Mommy, mommy!" He yelled out with glee as he ran, more like wobbled, over to her. the grin on his face was something that made her heart melt, and momentarily even made her forget about the terrible headache that was plaguing her.

"What is it my little prince?" She cooed and looked at him with a proud smile. She may not have had an example as to how to be a mother, and maybe she didn't always do perfectly, but she always did the best she could, and that had resulted in the sweetest little boy she could ever imagine.

"Hi." he said softly with a sweet little smile and eyes that made her melt even further, probably turning her into a pile of goo. He then proceeded to tug on the chair she was sitting so she was further moved from the desk, which with a little help of Regina went rather smoothly. Henry looked proudly at what he did and then started to climb onto Regina's lap, denying the help that Regina was trying to give him, saying again, that superheroes should learn to climb on their own, which made Regina laugh softly. After ten minutes of trying and failing he looked at Regina with big puppy dog eyes and she lifted him into her lap with a loving smile.

He gave her a big toothy grin as he sat on her lap and then went and hugged her tightly, and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I love you mommy." He said and then hugged her for just a little longer, Regina holding the little boy tightly against her as tears started to burn in her eyes. "I love you too my precious little prince." She whispered back with a slightly broken voice, that made Henry break the embrace and give her a worried look.

"Mommy!? What's wrong? Did I makes you cry? Sorry!" He said and furiously tried to wipe away the tears that were now spilling and rolling of the mother's cheeks. His worried little face now the only thing in her vision as Henry tried to fight away the tears before they came, which made Regina laugh softly, a laughter that was mixed with sobs as her heart just swelled. Her little boy caring so much about her, she never thought anyone would care for her. Let alone that she would have a son…

"I'm alright my little prince, don't worry about me." She whispered fondly. "Now come here and let me give you a big bear hug." She said and closed her arms around the toddler again, his giggles warming her heart.

Being a mother really was the greatest thing that was.


	4. Dear Henry, I'm Sick

**_Hey, hey! I have been gone for this story for a really long time, but I am back at it again and I will write the whole thing and update it, in the upcoming months. My other stories will not be ignored, but will be on the back ground a bit more since I have found the inspiration for this story all of a sudden._**

 ** _The layout has changed a bit as well._**

 ** _The non-cursive writing are the letters of Regina, the cursive is Henry._**

 ** _Thanks!_**

 ** _X._**

Dear Henry,

You're five now and it pains my heart to see you grow as fast as you are. Of course, there is a sense of pride in all of it too, but also a sense of doom. I'm not sure I should be telling you any of this, since it isn't something a child should know about one's mother. Not really, but you reaching this age makes me terrified,

 _Why would she be terrified of me growing up? Why would she not want to see her son grow up? Of course, I would find out I was adopted in just a few years and the cold and distant behaviour would start…_

It makes me terrified for several reasons, and I will begin with the easiest one of all of them, which is in itself rather complicated.

You are growing up, ageing. You are the only one in his town that is doing so, and by doing that, you create confusion around the whole town every single day, again and again. To yourself and to others that suddenly see a little boy of five wobbling around the town instead of the baby, or the toddler they remember from just yesterday.

 _I was the only one ageing? How did that work? Did they never remember me? Always newly surprised that the mayor had a son? Or did they have some vague recollection of me?_

Their brains cannot handle the fact that for someone in this town the time is truly passing and it makes me afraid of what that is doing to my perfectly created town. I don't want my safe space, where I am in control to go away like that in the blink of an eye. I don't think I would be able to bear it to be losing control yet again.

 _My mom was terrified of the control she had fought so hard for. Had she never before been in real control? She wasn't now either, but she didn't know that Rumple was aware…_

That was just the first of many reasons. Here comes the second one;

Since you are now five, it means that I have been raising you for a whole of four years and forty-seven weeks. Four years and forty-seven weeks of fearing that one day, even you will come to hate or fear me like most in this town.

The fact that you grow older means that you are growing to understand more and more of what is happening around you, and thus you are understanding that you do not look like me like you are supposed to. That your eyes are a whole different colour when you and I look in the mirror together while I am washing your face and brushing your teeth.

 _I do not really remember much of that. Did I really mistrust her already there? No I don't think I did. Perhaps she was just a little paranoia. I think I would be with the history that she has had. She was terrified of my not loving her anymore. I suppose that fear came true…_

It means that even though you are picking up on some of my mannerisms, there are still plenty that do not originate from my nurture but from your nature, and it shows me that one day you will do more than just notice, you will question. I know you will question because that is only a logic thing to do for little children.

It already pains my heart to think about what you will do when you find out.

The last and perhaps most dark reason of why I am this terrified of you growing up, it that at this age. At the age of five my mother thought me old enough to understand her punishments and the reasons behind them.

If I were to spill something, if I were to talk back or talk to one of her guests, I would get the belt to my back until I stopped crying.

The first time I couldn't and I my young body collapsed and the world grew black around me, only then did she stop.

The first time my mother didn't know when to stop yet.

 _I can barely read the crossed out parts of the letter, but if I strain my eyes well enough, I can read what it says. It pains my heart now to think of the kind of live my mother had, and it breaks my heart to see how well she took care of me, she was so different from Cora._

The next times I was able to stop myself from crying for too long until I had mastered to take the ten whips of the belt without a sound.

The reason I am telling you this is not because I fear I will hit you with a belt, because I know I couldn't, what I am afraid of is that perhaps I will start to grow just as cruel and unfeeling as my mother did, and that I will grow cold and heartless just like her.

Many would argue that I already am cruel and heartless, but those are now under my spell and have no clue that deep down they think that, as they only see me now as their mayor, someone they are at the very least are afraid of.

A child shouldn't have to bear it's mothers pains and memories, so I will spare any other details from you. And if you absolutely despise reading anything about it, I would warn you to stay out of any of my other things I have written.

 _I found her diary yesterday. Or well all six of them. Three of them were leather bound, from the Enchanted forest I guess. The other look more like the modern ones, but still are rather fancy. I haven't dared to read any of them just yet. Perhaps I shouldn't, but it is almost as if she is giving her permission to do so…_

There is also great joy in my heart of course. You are incredibly clever for your age. Even I can see that and I do not know many of the customs here in this realm, or what exactly the standards are, but the fact that you can already read and are beginning to properly write, is something very early for your age.

Even I wasn't as fast as you and my mother prided herself in having bright child like me. That also was the only time she has ever been proud of me

I am so very happy that you always manage to smile and giggle your way through every day, and you bring so much joy to my old and battered heart. You're sleeping on my lap, with your little head against my shoulder, drooling over my clothes as we speak.

I shan't be able to have you here when I write these anymore, or you will read things at too young an age for now, since you will definitely want to read anything you can lay your hands on.

With much love,

Your Mother, Regina.

 _There were tear drops on some parts of the letter, dried ones, old and barely there, the only real sign of them were blurred out words, but most of them had been crossed out either way._

Dear Henry,

I'm sick.

 _She what?_

And not your usual cold 'sick', it is the sick of a terminal illness that will always linger on my bones, tire me out before I have even gotten out of bed.

 _No, please no._

You're six now. My lovely little boy that is growing far too fast, and I don't even know if I will ever be able to see you grow into a full grown man. Probably not.

 _Mom please._

Which makes these letters the more important to me. I don't know if you will ever know me as well as I wish you would, but for that you have to be aged enough to understand and bear the weight of the knowledge. I do not think I will live that far.

 _Why? Why. Why!?_

Even though I might not be aging, my body, my insides, in their own way are. Or that is the illness. I did not understand the doctors as well as I wish I did.

 _Always your pride._

They have found cancerous cells in my body. Nobody but I knows in this town, because I went to the doctor outside of this town with the cover of some sort of meeting. And I have already promised myself that I will never tell anyone.

 _Why didn't you look for help from someone? You didn't need to do it on your own._

It is in my liver, which means I should not drink any more wine or alcohol in general. They want to give me an operation that will probably save my life. That is what they are hoping at least.

 _It must have worked. You lived until four months ago. You lived. You lived mom!_

I hope so too of course. I want to be with you as long as is possible, so I will try. I will try and fight hard. For you my prince, always for you.

 _Why had I never noticed her fierce love for me. Why had I always taken that for granted?_

I do think that this will be the first time you will ever hear of this, since I will wash away the memories of when I take you with me to the hospital appointments when they will begin my radiation and chemo treatments.

 _I knew?! I knew and you made me forget! God mom why?_

I don't think I can do this alone, so I need you with me, but you won't remember. You do not deserve that burden. God sometimes I truly doubt that I am a good mother to you. Probably not.

I'm sorry.

 _No. no don't you dare be sorry, you were the best mother I could have ever wished for even if I didn't appreciate it back when._

The letters will probably get a little shorter, since writing takes more effort than I would like to admit. I even collapsed in the middle of Granny's earlier today. They will not remember anything of it tomorrow of course. They never do.

 _They did. Or well Ruby and Granny remember something vaguely. I remember them asking me if you were alright when I was younger. I always shrugged it off._

I love you. I am proud of you, and those thing will never chance my dear little prince.

With much love,

Your mother, Regina

 _The writing had gotten a little sloppier the farther the note went on, her name almost illegible and more tears were to be found on the letter. She would not have written like that if she weren't either sick or tired. Did she still have her steady hands, or did they tremble. I wish she was still here so I could ask._


End file.
